So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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