Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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