Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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