So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
