to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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