well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Quick, to the slutcave!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
