I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
