So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
