She's JV to your varsity
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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