I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
3 2 1 whiskey
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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