every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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