If i come over, it means nothing
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize