No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize