My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
