You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
