dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
