I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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