Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
