Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
