I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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