Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
