You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
