you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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