Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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