eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
