i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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