You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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