Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
