Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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