If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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