If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
