allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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