I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
