I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
