your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
