I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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