To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
