Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize