Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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