i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
