how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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