Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm too high and old for this...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
