So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize