addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
