i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize