I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
