I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize