he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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