Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
