I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
