I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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