I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
