nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
