I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
