the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
