i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
