Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
