I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize