Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
