fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
