when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
