I hate all girls vehemently.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
