I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
