have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need to calm my uterus...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
