I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
