even my farts smell like vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
