If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
