If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
