Jerry, you need to find god
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
