sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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