to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize