Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
