New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize