there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize