Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize