Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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