so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
